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lordminx
18:17

If People Were Really Honest in Job Interviews


The honest job interview

  • Interviewer

    Thanks for taking the time to come in, although I'm sure you weren't busy at all, seeing as you're unemployed.

  • Applicant

    Yeah, that's true. I mean I have DVR so I'm really not missing anything important. Although this is really early for me, I usually wake up around noon, lay in bed until 12:30. Ish.

  • Interviewer

    Excellent. So why are you interested in this job?

  • Applicant

    I'm not, I just need a job.

  • Interviewer

    Okay. Just so you know, we will be taking advantage of you and paying you the bare minimum.

  • Applicant

    And just so you know, I will be doing the bare minimum.

  • Interviewer

    Okay, but our expectations are going to be, let's say, unreasonably high. Like if you could be as much like a high-speed robot as possible, that would be ideal.

  • Applicant

    Yeah, I'm not interested in any of that. I'm pretty much looking for a job where I don't have to move much or think much, so I have the time and energy to do the things I actually care about.

  • Interviewer

    Why don't you get a job doing the things you care about?

  • Applicant

    I'm trying, but in the interim I need a job that will barely cover my cost of living. You know what I'm saying?

  • Interviewer

    I think so. I was once like you, had dreams. But I gave up on them. I gave up on all my dreams, and that's why I'm here.

  • Applicant

    I thought that might be the case. I mean I assumed it was. I guessed that you used to be full of life, but after years in this place, you had every last bit of hope drained from your body.

  • Interviewer

    Yes, that's exactly what happened. And now what I do is take that hope out of people younger than me, the people I hire, and basically I harvest it. It's like — are you familiar with how vampires work?

  • Applicant

    Sure.

  • Interviewer

    Great, I'll make note of that. So I'm like a vampire, a hope vampire, and when you leave here every day, you'll be completely devoid of hope or happiness.

  • Applicant

    So you're like a Dementor, really.

  • Interviewer

    Yes! I wasn't sure if Harry Potter was something you were familiar with, but yeah, I'm a Dementor.

  • Applicant

    Okay, so is everyone I've ever worked for.

  • Interviewer

    Great! This is going really well. What are your biggest strengths and weaknesses?

  • Applicant

    I have very few strengths that would be of any use at all in this kind of environment. I'd say my biggest weakness, if you wanna call it that, is that I just don't care.

  • Interviewer

    And why did you leave your last job?

  • Applicant

    I wanted to move on and do other things.

  • Interviewer

    Which means…

  • Applicant

    I was fired.

  • Interviewer

    Good, good. Well I'll let you know, and by that I mean I'll never call you, and will instead leave you waiting and wondering for weeks.

  • Applicant

    Business as usual!

  • If People Were Really Honest in Job Interviews - CollegeHumor Article
    Reposted byn0gnaichresa919arabusdanielbohrerFreXxXcyronisg33kyHightopsanabeesm0k1nggnuBananijeklerandomuserZombieGigolomofomestivdarksideofthemoondakozerocool911monimichburningensomichalkoziolstraycatriceballmkaynoanerdanelFlypnineedtostealthiszEveRKaerrielBunnyBoomonkeyheadkayKrebsfootcrabSmokehead18yvoisardTokei-Ihtodarquevertheerpiratka-wariatkaFreeminder23LattemakauenkthxycolourlessjiskakrekkDowdlesfrittatensuppemurdeltaAluAlunibotedzdworcaPorcelainsozialdilettantenschlafwandlernibotcoloredgrayscaleRKhashratmani
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