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May 20 2018

22:24

meredithmcclaren:

Someone else on tumblr pointed out that PASSENGERS might have been a more meaningful movie if it was about just THE ONE person dealing with being alone on the ship for the rest of their life.  And if, to cope, they go through and make it a point to learn everything they can about all of the other people on the ship.

And I just keep thinking about this idea.

There are 4999 other people on that ship and what if the protagonist spent the remainder of their life (and they do live their full life) learning about each of them.

They took an interest in their hobbies so that they could have some sort of connection to them.

As their sanity flexed in an effort to cope, they could have had these really involved imaginary conversations with the crew about their interests. And by the end of their natural life they will have known everything they could have ever known about these other 4999 people.


AND THEN THE REST OF THEM WAKE UP. And they have some 90 odd years of security footage of this one crew member talking to each of them in turn. And it goes far beyond ‘I have figured out how to cook that one dish you were struggling with’ or ‘I have read THE SILMARILLION at your suggestion and Jesus Christ I have thoughts about it.’

They actually start making connections between all of the crew.

Like ‘You like bugs! You should totally talk to Cindy! She’s an entomologist!’

Or ‘Did you know that you and Said’s grandfathers were both in the same infantry?’

Or ‘You and Jamie are both avid bee keepers and I think you need to meet.’

Or ‘I know you’re really struggling with this, but Aneesha said she went the exact same thing and I think talking to her can help.’

And because all of these crew members are watching the videos that have been individually addressed to them (Because why not? They’re colonizing.  There’s not a lot yet available by way of entertainment) they sort of start talking to each other at the Protagonist’s suggestion.  And within a year they are THE MOST unified interconnected colony of any of the colonies because this one crew member broke the ice for them a lifetime ago.

Several of them are engaged.

Two are about to have children named after the Protagonist.


AND BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE NOW they notice when one week a crew member isn’t out and about and no one can get in touch with them.  So finally somebody goes to check and they find them huddled in a ball and mourning.

Because Protagonist is dead.

And the other people are like: ‘Yes. We know.  This is literally the first thing we knew about them.’

But Mourner is like: ‘You don’t understand. I got to the end.’

And then everyone realizes that the mourner has basically been BURNING through all of the videos Protagonist has addressed to them and got to the last one they made to them before they died. And Protagonist left a final message for each of them.

Suddenly everyone’s having a real frank conversation with themselves about how fast they’re going through their videos and if they’re prepared to keep going at that rate and get to the end, or if they should put it off indefinitely.

And one by one, in time, each of them realizes they can’t put it off.  Not only are they invested in the end, but they care enough about Protagonist to really acknowledge their death.

Each crew member does this at their own pace.  It becomes a rite of passage of sorts. And Protagonist is given some sort of proper memorial so the colonists all have a place to go when their time comes to grieve.


BUT BEFORE EVERYONE GETS TO THE END, someone has started noticing how Protagonist treated the robots on the ship over the years. And surprise, surprise, Protagonist named all the robots too and treated them like individuals depending on their quirks.  So now someone has finally solved the mystery of why droid 808 insists on being called ‘Bob,’ and why 239 knows ASL, and why the auxiliary robots are so salty about nobody ever being able to tell them apart.

Not only that, but security logs shows that the robots were about 19% more efficient when Protagonist was alive than they are now.  And THE VERY SECOND the rest of the crew starts observing the same habits Protagonist used in treating these robots ALL OF THAT EFFICIENCY COMES RIGHT BACK.

Because they missed Protagonist too.


And things settle.  Everyone thinks they’ve reached the end of Protagonist’s surprises.


THEN THEY ARE FINALLY ABLE TO START TRANSPORTATION BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THE OTHER COLONIES.

And a visiting party shows up.

The visitors are surprised to see HOW WELL everyone on this colony is getting along, because, wow, people are civil where they come from but GODDAMN.

And one of these visiting members is really excited to see their sibling. 

And ‘Oh, that’s so nice!  Who is it?’

And then the visiting member says a name every single person on this colony knows.

The colonists have to tell them what happened to their sibling, Protagonist.

But they also HAVE to tell the sibling what knowing Protagonist MEANT to them. And what Protagonist knowing THEM, meant to them.

And it’s sad.

The colony pretty much wholesale adopts Protagonist’s sibling as a part of their family because they don’t know what else they can do to fill that void.  But just in case, they give the Protagonist’s sibling THE ENTIRETY of Protagonist’s security footage.  Because there is 90 years of it and that way they can carry their sibling with them for the rest of their life even if only in video.

And then the colonists think:

‘This. This was the end of Protagonist’s story. And this was a good a proper way to observe it.’


AND THEN ONE DAY A SHIP SHOWS UP THAT IS NOT LIKE ANY SHIP THE COLONISTS HAVE EVER SEEN.

And the people driving it aren’t human.

They speak English and passable French.  They can chicken scratch Urdu, Mandarin, and Swahili.

Everyone is stunned and wants to know ‘why…?’ and ‘how…?’

And the aliens are just, like, ‘Oh. Protagonist.  We ran into them while you were in space. They told us you’d be settling here and asked that we check up on you whenever we were rolling by this quadrant next.’

‘They were really nice. Taught us English. Gave us the files on a couple of your other popular languages as well just to be safe. How’s the colonizing going anyway?’

And everyone thinks back to THAT ONE MONTH of security footage where Protagonist was NIGH IMPOSSIBLE to find.  And when they finally did come back to their normal routine they were really quiet and thoughtful for about a week before really getting back to themselves.

The linguists all suddenly remember that IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THAT REALLY WEIRD MONTH, Protagonist had a new coded language saved to their personal affects and was very insistent that they LEARN IT.  ‘FOR REASONS.’

And very quietly, the entire colony makes peace with the fact that Protagonist established a very successful first contact while they were all asleep.

Because of course they did.

Reposted bypsyentistlillycreature
09:09

bird-butt:

unicornkin:

unicornkin:

princessvexus:

There’s an official Looney Tunes comic that heavily implies Elmer and Daffy Duck fucked and I’m

Who wrote this

The worst part is I JUST noticed the hearts coming out of his ass

Elmer Fud is a top and there’s nothing we can do about it

09:07

nientedal:

crystallizedtwilight:

[Begin Movie Trailer]

Romeo: I would die for you.
Juliette: Okay, well, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen.
THIS SUMMER
(Begin upbeat/exciting background music)
Benvolio: She’s in love with Romeo but her parents want her to marry Royalty.
Mercutio: That’s where I come in.
SHAKESPEARE’S GREATEST TRAGEDY
Romeo (grinning in realization): A marriage of convenience.
Juliette (with hopeful laughter in voice): This could actually work!
NOW BECOMES
Romeo (to Mercutio): What do you get out of it?
Mercutio: My inheritance, my parents stop pushing girls on me, and I get to keep doing your cousin.
Benvolio: He gets to keep…yeah.
THE GREATEST COMEDY
(Shot of the four of them running through the streets, hollering, laughing with masquerade masks on)
(Shot of Romeo) Romeo: We just have to avoid getting caught for…ever.
(Tybalt talking to Paris) Tybalt: I don’t think they’re actually in love.
(Mercutio kissing Ben in an alley)
(Romeo taking Juliette’s hand as she smiles)
(Back to Tybalt and Paris) Tybalt: I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
(Shot of Benvolio) Benvolio: They won’t let us be together to we made things so we can be.
(Juliette in a courtyard, to Mercutio) Juliette: You need to be more careful, all four of our lives are at stake here.
(Tybalt and Mercutio at the wedding’s dessert table) Tybalt: If I ever find out that you were unfaithful to my cousin I will kill you.
Mercutio (music stop):………….cool, cool, good to know.
THIS TIME
(Another shot of a silly action sequence)
ROMEO AND JULIETTE
(More comedy)
HAVE A PLAN
(no music for finishing sequence)
Benvolio (denying Merc a kiss in public) We can’t…
Mercutio: (playfully) Is it because I’m married?
Benvolio: I don’t care that you’re married!…You know, in any other situation, that would make me sound so terrible–

What’s In a Name
JULY 2018
PG-13

(Spoiler: Tybalt ends up with Paris and helps guard their secret. Everyone lives)

YES.jpg

09:06
09:05
3329 a736 500

radiantboy:

Mmmagic

09:05
3348 3161 500

ketoisyummy:

systlin:

eskiworks:

ephilog:

I don’t know about you but I’m so sick of that omnipresent association of sports/fitness with weight loss as the ultimate goal.

(PS: I’m not sure how efficient punching people is for building muscle mass but I’m afraid she’s had a lot of opportunities so I guess four pounds is probably realistic?)

I wish… I WISH I could somehow reblog this HARDER and with MORE LOVE.  Sorry to put more non-art stuff in my main tumblr here, but goddamn I feel this so hard.  I’ve been hitting the gym with the goal of making a good habit, so that when winter comes around and the inevitable S.A.D. creeps back into my life, I’m more likely to get some exercise as a coping mechanism just out of habit.  I’m also weightlifting because I want to get strong (like ox, you might say). 

I do not care if I lose weight, I’m not keeping track of my pounds, and if I stay chubby but get stronger I will be just as fucking happy.  So glad I found this comic, and so glad I found your art Ephi!  New watcher ahoy!  <3

This is a Good Comic. 

Do it because it feels good!

09:01
3362 e0d7 500

barbara-lazuli:

paganinpurple:

itsluxyr:

Mm… Pearl??

This means that when S gave Pearl her number and Amethyst explained it, Pearl would’ve suddenly realised how many chicks had hit on her before and decided to go out and get a cell phone

Pearl is the ultimate useless lesbian. For the centuries she’s been alive, she’s probably had a lot of human girls hit on her and she never noticed

May 19 2018

20:28
9537 f211 500

faekin-it:

inikorose:

The realist one

Feeling called out

Reposted byareyouboredbiauek8agiennyorelhserenitewaco6petroPhlogistonantonimloozikerczinokkatastrofowasnaefistashetskyletha0carmenlunaall-about-kateniedobrzex-raypiehusslovaisnotcominghomejustafragmentofyoucygi-chanLuukkamycelinepotatoedesperateeekundelbudasZoonk11crispybonesirmelinjanuschytrusdissapointedbutnotsuprisedblaxkseouldeepbluexmuladharaleniwabulaelinelaqlaumaxworthitniezwyyklaotellasucznikczterywiekipozniejLeguanienasylopathvalardohaerismontakpotatosfabulous-lazycepluscool-carlosgitanapuddinglordgodsriseoneastZeukoeyelynzygmunt3wazatociotalisiazupapersona-non-gratakupmibutysstefaniaSoulPLckisbackquapfireaway
20:27
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Reposted byStadtgespenstmarbear
20:23
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celticpyro:

discretely-obvious:

imthehandsomejack:

sebatticus:

prankstersgambits:

billybrocobra:

For all the artists out there

Youre telling me I threw away 10 dollar markers FOR NOTHING

REBLOG to save a life and a wallet!

Plus copics are actually refillable and you can buy more colored ink online for pretty cheap!

So yeah dont throw out copics.

NO NO NO NO!

Never refill a Copic with regular isopropyl alcohol unless you have absolutely no other option.

Copic markers have their own ink refills to go with each marker,

They look like this and cost around the same price as a Copic Sketch maybe slightly more however they can be used to refill a marker several times

By using isopropyl alcohol what you’re doing, in fact, is diluting what little ink you have left in your make, therefore changing the shade of it.

Of course the one exception to this rule is the colourless blender 0 which is a marker that is full of regular isopropyl alcohol.

As a side note, DON’T throw away your marker if one/both of the is damaged

Copic also make replacement nibs for all of their markers

Which are much cheaper than buying a new marker as you get multiple in a pack.

Reblogging to save an artist. Copics are meant to be reusable and I know how hella expensive those things are. NEVER throw out your Copic markers!

20:20

freakxwannaxbe:

asgardianss:

dianapforlunch:

Bruce Banner in Avengers (2012): Hulk is the darkest part of me…The wrath I cannot control…Why my bones are made of glass…

Bruce in Infinity War (2018): What the FUCK did you just say, ugly ass green thumb looking mf?? NO???? what the FUCK is up hulk step the FUCK up hulk

Taika made Bruce cool

When you first start dealing with depression vs Dealing with it now

20:17

fuckyeahdiomedes:

miyajimosachi:

serenity2132:

miyajimosachi:

serenity2132:

miyajimosachi:

miyajimosachi:

Watching Logan and holy SHIT.

Where was this fire in the other X-Men films? Bryan Singer should have never gotten custody of this franchise.

Right? And I am 110% happy that they didn’t make Laura into the damn ridiculous belly-shirt-wearing wank fantasy she is in comics.

Also, hearing her cussing Logan out in Spanish is MAGIC

Was that what she was doing? LMFAO I loved her so much. Smol stabby daughter.

When she first said “de nada” in the truck I was giddy, but when she started rapid-firing Spanish my jaw was on the floor. Like, all film there was yelling and that was it from her, and then BAM! Filthy-mouthed stabby daughter for you!

That first scene where she comes out carrying the head of her enemy and throws it I knew this movie was going to blow my wig off.

Patrick Stewart deserved a fucking oscar for Logan

20:14

thishereanakinguy:

itsybitsyhobbit:

Antman: Do you, like, control spiders? 

Peter Parker chuckles and decides to reply with a snarky comeback: Do you, like, control Ants? 

Antman: Yes

Peter Parker is now caught off guard. 

Ant-Man has now thrown him off his rhythm.

STREET SMARTS!

20:13

lentilswitheverything:

willietheshakes:

wickedpissahnerd:

willietheshakes:

Dogs on TV always look so stiff. Like they’re supposed to be just sitting there but you can tell that the dog is like “!!!! Am good boy!!! Am hold position!!! Am look off stage at handler!!! Hi handler!!! Ready your finest treats for the good boy!!!”

My favorite are dogs who are supposed to be fierce but are so clearly playing at it. Just dubbing in growls can’t change that butt-wiggle of “I’m doing THE THING and soon I’ll get PRAISE and play with MY TOY”

Yes. This too.

In the Lion the Witch and the Wardobe movie (the one with Tilda Swinton, not the BBC one) the wolves all have CGI tails. Because they’re actually Malamute or Huskie crosses and wouldn’t stop wagging their goddamn tails all the time because they were so excited to be playing with all these nice people on this nice set with their nice handlers just out of shot holding lots of nice sausage.

20:03

theamberalpacart:

prokopetz:

“What are you doing?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“You are? But… I thought –”

“You thought what? You come to my tree, you wake me up, I give you my blessing, and you go on your way?”

“Honestly, yes.”

“Sounds boring. Hold on a sec - let me get my stuff together.“

“…”

“What?”

“That’s a… very large hammer.”

“Well, what did you think the whole ‘Strength of the Great Tree’ bit was about?”

“I assumed it meant some sort of mystical power.”

“Hah - close, but no. What it means is that you point me at the problem and I hit it with this hammer.”

“That doesn’t seem very maidenly.”

“Very what now?”

She’s ready to smash some monsters with her hammer, its actually very stress relieving

20:02
9637 95d3 500

sarahshahipls:

I’m not sure what kind of luck the $115 frozen pizza badger is supposed to bring but I’m not taking any chances

Reposted byfupducksofiassofiasmushuoipojaranaichSakeroscyronismolotovcupcakeKryptoniteanderer-tobiIMSbziumStadtgespenst65432123456QlkastrangerthankindnessfavouriteworstnightmareMagoryanartisticpuppymontakPaseroVirusniebalaganpomoorleniwabulachocolate1508lujekmaciekpinzynierSoulPLradaetykimichalkoziolpankamiennawetsrednioorelhduobixPumpkineerjanuschytrusLeguanienfrunemansucznikMilcatopycarmenlunamirandopulczynskiMrrruklebowskifabulous-lazytfux-raysignofthemothinkwizytorBiesBereniceMerelyGiftedsashthesplashloneliestofangelslargehamstercolliderhardkorweyfutureiscomingKciukWzupiex-rayMerelyGiftedLeguanienkokolokosanczoghalbadiousp125
19:58
9654 6a72 500

francisisameme:

randomitemdrop:

Item: Jube; grants the wielder the power to transmogrify any substance to denim

@shiftythrifting

19:55
9690 ffd3

emchromatic:

thenatsdorf:

“Do I look like I eat bugs?!”

I love this frog so much I drew a comic of it.

19:53
9701 1ffe

krakenpocalypse:

the-real-seebs:

bemusedlybespectacled:

daddylore:

did-you-kno:

Sleight-of-hand artist Apollo Robbins is so stealthy that he once started a conversation with Jimmy Carter’s Secret Service agents and had everything out of their pockets within minutes. They were completely unaware that he’d acquired their badges, watches, Carter’s itinerary, and the keys to his motorcade. Source Source 2

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty

Via The New Yorker:

“In more than a decade as a full-time entertainer, Robbins has taken (and returned) a lot of stuff, including items from well-known figures in the worlds of entertainment (Jennifer Garner, actress: engagement ring); sports (Charles Barkley, former N.B.A. star: wad of cash); and business (Ace Greenberg, former chairman of Bear Stearns: Patek Philippe watch).

He is probably best known for an encounter with Jimmy Carter’s Secret Service detail in 2001. While Carter was at dinner, Robbins struck up a conversation with several of his Secret Service men. Within a few minutes, he had emptied the agents’ pockets of pretty much everything but their guns.

Gifs via: youtube/NBC

Robbins brandished a copy of Carter’s itinerary, and when an agent snatched it back he said, “You don’t have the authorization to see that!” When the agent felt for his badge, Robbins produced it and handed it back. Then he turned to the head of the detail and handed him his watch, his badge, and the keys to the Carter motorcade.”

@we-are-rogue

this is the guy who they used as a consultant on Leverage, by the way, and was Parker’s counterpart in the Two Live Crew Job

I think this is the same guy who had the beautiful story with Penn Jillette. Jillette was asserting that the guy wasn’t all that great, so Robbins said “okay, draw me a circle on this piece of paper”, and when Jillette tried, he found his pen doesn’t work. Robbins was waving the cartridge for it at him.

Really high-level rogues be like…

Reposted bypsyentistmolotovcupcakeKryptonitefafnirscavePaseroVirusmarbearzupacebulowavolldostsoupeteririethpuszczykPanJeffMerelyGiftedravenflubb
19:31

D&D adventure premises inspired by stupid bear puns

prokopetz:

  • Premise: a bear is the only witness to a crime; the party must convince the local druid to awaken it so it can testify. Adventure title: Bear Witness

  • Premise: the party must escort the king’s valuable pet bear through hostile territory. Adventure title: Bear With Me

  • Premise: the party must retrieve a cache of powerful enchanted weapons from the lair of an enormous owlbear that’s somehow figured out how to use them. Adventure title: Bear Arms

  • Premise: a psychic werebear is telepathically possessing townsfolk and forcing them to commit crimes. Adventure title: Bear in Mind

  • Premise: a charlatan at the summer fair is attempting to sell trained bears as domestic helpers; events proceed as expected. Adventure title: Bear Market

  • Premise: the party must investigate the reported appearance of a great golden bear that the local temple believes to be an omen from their god. Adventure title: Cross to Bear
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